2018, what a year! I typically don’t get too hung up on holidays as holders of some power that tells us how we must celebrate, and as much as I like tradition, I recognize that sometimes it’s worth throwing tradition out the window and embracing newness and difference. But the end of a year is a nice landmark to pause and reflect on what we have been through, and look forward to what might be. This is my reflection.

Things I’m Grateful For in 2018

Health - I’m constantly amazed at what my body and mind are capable of.
My husband, Brad, who is a wonderful complexity of unwavering honesty, support, encouragement, ambition, humor, and humanity. We make a great team and I appreciate his grounding presence.
Personal growth
The family that gives me roots, to which I know I can always turn.
Brad making it through the dark uncertainty of a major career change.
A smooth transition in our cross country move, from Alaska home to Minneapolis.
Our years in Alaska - a time I am already looking back at with nostalgia, and will surely cherish.
The various teaching and writing opportunities I have been given, and the courage to pursue them.
A truly good mate for my little sister, Ashley - she deserves the best that life has to offer.
Hope for all that the future holds.

Things I Struggled With in 2018

Being present in the moment - like Andy Bernard, “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days, before you’ve actually left them.”
My career path - What do I want? How do I get there? Was everything I’ve done just wasted time?
Finding balance in my relationship with food and body image.
Setting boundaries around how I spend my time and energy.
Anxiety about someday being a mother, and how that will change my relationship with my work, my husband, and myself.
Recognizing my privilege and trying to balance the guilt, gratitude, and call to action surrounding it.
My relationship with religion and the hypocrisy I have found there.
Contentment - we spend so much time worrying about the future that we forget to appreciate that this was what we once looked forward to.
Counting myself as enough.
Finding ways to best support Brad in the frustration/stress/uncertainty of his career change, while accepting the fact that I couldn’t fix it for him, it was a journey he needed to take.

Best Moments of 2018

Learning to ski
Performing in an aerial silks student showcase
Laughing to tears with Brad about things I no longer remember
Having my writing published on various websites
Watching (and smelling) sea lions on the Oregon Coast with my friends
Doing yoga on a deck in Ketchikan with whales passing by
Living in a van for a week
Being my grandpa’s personal hug machine to help get him through the anxiety of moving my grandma to memory care
Having drinks and burgers at the Parlour Bar with my husband
Snuggling with my dog on snowy days