People Are Mostly Good
I’ve been sitting on this post for more than a month now. I wrote it and was feeling good, and then something happened that made me question whether perhaps I was wrong or naive in seeing the good, and so I let it sit. I don’t even recall now what the thing was that made me pause. Perhaps the violence du jour or the accusations of evil and malice with the overturning of Roe v. Wade. The thing is, expecting the worst from others seems to bring out the worst in ourselves. We come in with our guard up, ready to fight, and see everything as an attack. I’ve included a particular story of goodness here, but I’ve seen it all over in the weeks since writing this. I want to see the good. I’m actively choosing to see the good. At St. Scholastica where I teach, we often ground ourselves in the call of St. Benedict to “listen with the ear of your heart”. That’s the kind of energy I want to bring to the world. So anyway, here’s what I wrote.
“People are mostly good.” It’s a phrase I have to remind myself of sometimes, particularly in 2022 America where finding the flaws and writing people off as selfish or stupid or uninformed or lazy or evil or any number of other adjectives feels readily available. I really do believe that most people are out here living their lives in the best way they know how. The vast majority of us are focused every day on making sure our needs are met, our families are safe and healthy, we have a sense of belonging and are doing something meaningful in the world. Certainly we are all equipped with different tools and experiences and beliefs that shape the way in which we interact with the world, and that impact where we feel the greatest sense of belonging and what constitutes “something meaningful”. Such diversity is important and should be appreciated. I am more gracious when I can return my consciousness to the mantra that everyone is doing their best with what is available to them.
Image from an online article by Lilia Donawa
I recently read Rutger Bregman’s Humankind: A Hopeful History. It discussed the wealth of social science research findings that suggest this very idea - that most people are good. He presents the evidence that we as humans have a natural tendency towards community, equity, team work and problem solving. Despite what we have been socialized to believe - that everyone is out for their own gain and will take every advantage of those in their path, that we cannot trust a stranger - in times of crisis, the evidence overwhelmingly speaks to our tendency to band together and work for the greater good of the community. Because the news cycle is so sensationalistic, we are fed so much division and judgement and distrust. A recent episode of This American Life (#775: The Possum Experiment) spoke to this concept as well - about how we often expect the worst from people and are surprised to find strangers acting with selflessness, integrity, or good intention.
I follow a woman on Instagram (@simplyonpurpose) who preaches positive parenting, and her primary philosophy is to “look for the good” and “water the flowers”. If we focus on the good and helpful and kind and beautiful things we see in the people around us, if we recognize those things out loud, it will be those things that flourish. “What you imagine, you create” and all that. It’s not a pie in the sky, everything is sunshine and rainbows, I just plug my ears and sing “la la la” mentality. It’s more about “yes, and” - Yes I see these weeds in our collective behavior, and I’m making a point to recognize the flowers.
Shore Acres State Park, Oregon Coast - April 2019
So in the spirit of looking for the good, I want to share how I witnessed this in action recently during what many would agree was a less than ideal day.
It was mid morning on a Wednesday. Brad and I were sitting in the Duluth airport awaiting our 11 am flight to Chicago. I was attending a conference Thursday through Saturday and Brad was coming along so we could explore together in our off time. We were looking forward to a free afternoon in Chicago and starting to think about where we might want to have dinner that night (when you only have 3 real dinners in Chicago you have to make the most of them). Shortly before boarding we were informed that there was a mechanical problem with the plane and our flight would be delayed but they hoped to have us wheels up within an hour. Soon after, we were told those mechanical problems were unresolvable and we would need to wait for another plane to arrive. Now, if we were at MSP that might not be such a big deal. But we were at Duluth International, an airport with 3 gates and not a lot going on. It’s not the kind of place that has extra planes lying around. We had to wait for one to be delivered to us from somewhere else. The estimate was that this new plane would arrive by 3 pm. As that time got close we found out the plane was not about to arrive but rather had just gotten airborne. Finally, our new plane arrived. Just as we were set to board we were placed on a ground hold from Chicago, meaning traffic was backed up in Chicago and we couldn’t take off until they were ready to receive us. Uff da what a day. Just one setback after another. Infuriatingly, comically so. We successfully left Duluth about 5 pm.
That’s the set up. The thing I want to share is how the people placed into this situation reacted. Let me reiterate that this is a small airport - 3 gates, roughly 500 feet from one end of the terminal to the other, rows of chairs that are not made to keep anyone comfortable for more than about 30 minutes never mind 6 hours, and one small airport convenience store/cafe/bar. I don’t know where everyone was headed, but I do know that many of the 50ish people on that flight had connections they were hoping to make in Chicago that got changed and changed and changed again. I know there were people who were hoping to meet up with friends and family who instead would spend a night alone in an airport hotel in Chicago. I know there were a couple of families with small children who had to find a way to keep it together for much much longer than anticipated. I know there were people trying to get some work done with slow internet and limited electrical outlets. I know there was a pilot and a gate agent who had absolutely no control over the situation, who were very much the messengers and were just as discouraged and frustrated as everyone else with each new delay. It was nobody’s best day. And yet…
People showed that we are good. When it finally came time to board there was cheering. When someone asked (to no one in particular) about which boarding group they were in, someone responded with “we’ve been in it together all day, we’re one group now”. As people scanned their boarding passes they thanked, shook hands and shared kind words with the gate agent. When the pilot made his “welcome aboard” speech it was with a real sense of camaraderie, and he thanked everyone for their kind words, patience and chit chat during the delay. When everyone was seated and the flight attendant asked for a volunteer from the front to move towards the back for improved weight distribution, a man volunteered and was met with chants of “Jeff, Jeff, Jeff!” from the new friends he had made in the airport bar. There was a general sense that we were all here in this together and no problems would be solved by being dicks about it.
All that to say: Yes, we notice a lot of weeds sometimes. And also, look at this field of flowers.