Reflections on my 34th Birthday

I recently turned 34. I once perceived that people in their 30s were mature adults. Yet, here I am almost halfway through the decade and still confused about the fact that I’m allegedly an adult with a professional career and a doctorate degree and a mortgage and a whole small human who I’m in charge of. Every once in a while I think about my parents when they were in their 30s, or my husband’s parents. As a kid it always seemed like a given that they were mature adults, with all their ducks in a row and the wisdom of elders. In some ways that is true. But now that I’m in my 30s I realize they were just kids, with kids of their own, trying to navigate their way through life. Turns out none of us really know what we’re doing here. The older I get the more I realize how true that is. It’s like the old adage - the more you learn the more you realize you don’t know.

I’m not the type to get real hyped up about my birthday, but I do appreciate the invitation that a birthday or a new year provides. It brings an opportunity to pause, reflect, evaluate, dream. So, here I am putting some of my reflections in writing for the time capsule that is my life. In no particular order.

THINGS THAT BRING ME JOY

• Decaf iced vanilla latte

• My bed

• A fine dining experience

• Going for a walk

• Being outside on a perfect weather day

• Yoga

• Aerial silks

• Laying in the hammock listening to the birds

• Laughing with my husband

• Quality time with women

• Good clinical patient experiences

• Good music

• Kate hugs

• A good book

• When Kate gets deep into independent play

• Flowering plants and trees

• Food fresh from the garden

• Clean sheets

• A completed to-do list

• Most things made of chocolate

• High quality ice cream

• A child-free eating experience

• Seeing students “get it”

THINGS THAT I’M STILL LEARNING

• What a healthy spirituality looks like for me

• How to respect Kate’s rights, dignity and independent personhood while maintaining safe and healthy habits and boundaries

• “I am allowed to have things for myself, even if they inconvenience others”

• How to be present with others in their heavy feelings (anger, grief, overwhelm)

• How to be more socially warm

• That honesty is better at fostering love, trust and depth of relationship than is “keeping the peace”

• To spend the money

• To do the silly dance, jump in the water, sing out loud

• To invite more wonder into my perspective

I’m just so very grateful to be here. Cheers to another trip around the sun.