Surviving the Thriving: A Holiday Letter

Dear family & friends,

I have been receiving holiday cards in the mail from friends and family and I always admire them. They are evidence that there are women in my circle (because it’s often the women) who are doing the work involved in sending holiday cards - scheduling the family photos, getting everyone dressed and ready, sweating through the meltdowns and bribing small children to cooperate for 10 G-D minutes, choosing a card style from the online print shop, finding a coupon code, maintaining and updating address books so said cards get to the right mailboxes. It’s a lot! If that brings you joy, then I love that journey for you and I will smile whenever I find one in the mail. But that’s just not a place I have ever felt capable or desirous of putting my energy, so consider this my holiday letter to you.

My mom has a particular basket that fills up with the Christmas cards each year, and I have always enjoyed looking through them. I like the letters best - that nosy part of me that wants to read about everyone’s life highlights. The letters seem to get fewer each year, but I like an opportunity for reflection and the end of the year holiday season seems as good as any.

The vibe for the Tombers this year has been surviving. But also, really objectively thriving?

Here are some examples:

Thriving: Our sweet baby James joined us this year, and he is just the best.

Surviving: Are people doing more than just survive the first year with a baby?

Thriving: We bought a new house this year, which really has almost all of the features that would show up on our dream home checklist. Such cozy vibes. And we got a deal on it because of a truly random stroke of luck that had nothing to do with us.

Surviving: Moving is a lot of work! And with a baby at home I felt pretty useless in contributing to that work, which meant that Brad spent a lot of time, energy, and physical labor to make it happen.

Thriving: Owning rental property has always been a goal of ours, and we were able to realize that goal by keeping our old home to be a rental. It’s really a great house in a very desirable location, we had just outgrown it. There was a lot of interest right away and we have really great renters lined up to move in in January.

Surviving: Again, so much work for Brad! He had remodeled and updated our small kitchen during the summer, before we knew we would be moving this year, and it turned out really nice. He did a great job. And after moving out, there was still so much to be done to get it ready for renters. He spent evenings and weekends doing projects over there for what felt like ages after we moved, while I cared for children and tried to begin settling into the new place. It felt like a lot.

Thriving: We all get to be at home together this week for Christmas.

Surviving: As I write this, all four of us are recovering from a stomach virus that knocked us out for a couple of days.

We are fortunate in a thousand ways, and ever so grateful. And still, sometimes the days are long and hard and exhausting. That’s our season of life here in 2024.

Kate is a very enthusiastic big sister. (Not mindful or demure, but very noisy, very overstimulating, very intent on entertaining.) She moved from her old preschool to the Montessori school this year and has been so proud of all her works - button sewing, snack making, patterns, numbers, word matching. She loves to be involved in everything, and especially doing whatever dad is doing. She’s getting to be so independent, some days I have to remind myself she’s still just little, before my expectations get away from us.

Our sweet baby James is speeding through his babyhood and I’m just trying to soak in as much as I can, knowing it won’t last long. He’s a tall, hungry, smiley, snuggly boy and I mostly spend my days endlessly kissing his cheeks. He loves to watch his big sister’s antics and he barely made a fuss about the eight (8!!) teeth he’s sprouted.

I continue to love my job in the St. Scholastica Physical Therapy program, and get to do some clinical work here and there as well. As we settle into our new home, and James is sleeping more consistently, I am beginning to build back routines that prioritize my own self care - exercise, reading, writing, meal prepping, baking.

Brad joined a new company this year, continuing to do data engineering from home for educational systems and school districts. He seems to have landed in a good spot, doing work he enjoys. The endless house projects have been taking all his spare time in recent months. When he’s not working he’s fielding requests from Kate to “please can we do something together?” They like to roast marshmallows in the fireplace, play video games, read, do Legos, or work around the house.

2025 will be different certainly. In what ways it is impossible to know. I hope that all of us are able to see and hold tight to whatever thriving exists amidst the surviving.

From my family to yours - wishing you a very Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years.