My husband is not the man I married
It's something I have been thinking about for some time, and the two of us have discussed it on more than one occasion, but Valentine's Day has prompted me to talk about it publicly.
My husband is not the man I married.
Neither am I the woman he married. It has been less than 5 years since our wedding day and still somehow we have both changed so much as individuals, and our relationship has changed in turn. Before you get too concerned, let me be clear: This is a GOOD THING.
Brad and I were high school sweethearts. We've known each other since third grade. We have no secrets and we know where we've come from. Since the day my heart saw him at the school open house to start our ninth grade year, he's been the one. As cliche as it sounds, I have loved him without question every day since. That's 15 years; over half of my life I've loved this man, even through the times we have been apart for months or years at a time.
After we got married four and a half years ago, we made a bold decision and moved to Alaska - 3,000 miles from everyone we knew. I still wonder if this is the reason we have grown into the people that we are now - because we were away from all of our previous influences and forced to make our own way together - or if we would have taken the same maturing paths if we had stayed in our hometown. There's no way to know for sure, but Alaska has certainly been good to us.
So what has changed? We have always been smart, well-educated, hard-working, and committed to our relationship, but over the past couple of years we have really begun to recognize our privilege. This recognition - brought on by exposure to different people, new ideas, greater independence, and a changing society - has resulted in us being more intentional in our lives. Sounds pretty simple, but when you become more intentional in life that practice reaches into the far dusty corners of yourself and sheds light on many things to bring about change. It started with us being intentional with our money and our work, with the goal of paying off our debt. As that goal became reality, we had the time and the freedom to spread intention into the other aspects of our lives. Looking back at who we were and where we were 5 years ago seems wild, but intentional change happens slowly, with the day to day decisions. When it comes to politics, religion, money, social justice, and our place in the world, some of our positions have turned 180 degrees and others have encountered smaller changes, but all have been intentional and independent and not based on the idea that "it's what we've always done".
So, my husband is not the man I married. He is kinder, healthier, more honest, more patient, more present. He makes me laugh, he invites me to share, he feeds my confidence. He has big goals and beautiful dreams and i am delighted to be his partner. When my 15 year old self dreamed of a life together with Brad Tombers, I never imagined it would be this beautiful.
Here's to the next 5 years of personal and relational growth. Life is better together.