What if you fly?
For the past several months I have been working on being more intentional in my life. I can feel myself in the midst of a period of growth, and it is at once both exciting and frustrating. I feel myself walking deeper into my best life, while at times also getting bogged down in comparison and feeling ‘less than’. Some days I win that battle and some days I go to bed and promise to start fresh in the morning.
In this period of growing I have been intentionally exposing myself to books and podcasts and friends from which I can take little pieces of insight and apply them to my life. A couple of these nuggets have already had dramatic impacts in my life, even if only within my own psyche. Here are a couple of things I have recently learned from Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly and other works I still look forward to reading, and from Ashley Grewe, my beautiful friend and the founder of Obsidian Education which teaches kids about mindfulness, eco-literacy, and nutrition.
First, vulnerability will get you everywhere. Sounds counterintuitive, I know, but all that really means is being open and honest: with yourself, with your emotions, with family and friends, with your boss, with your subordinates. Obviously, the topics around which you are vulnerable may look quite a bit different in each of those scenarios, and an environment of mutual vulnerability will yield the best results, but it has to start with yourself. I have begun to learn how to stop locking up or burying emotions and instead allowing myself to feel sad, or frustrated, or excited, or nervous, or joyful, or scared. What’s that saying about the first step in recovery being acknowledgement of a problem? If I actually allow myself to feel my emotions and give them a name - whether to myself or to my husband or to a friend - then I can go about dealing with that emotion in whatever way is appropriate. Historically, I have had the problem of my emotions getting jumbled and being misrepresented in my outward appearance - my sadness or fear comes off as irritability and creates further discord. Here’s an example. My husband just left for a 12 day trip to Vietnam. The night before he left I was acting distant and irritable. Finally I just said, “It's silly but I feel sad about you leaving and me being home alone”. Those words changed everything. Rather than us both feeling distant and upset for some unspoken reason, we were able to draw together and address the real issue at hand. It created a higher level of connection that allowed us to part on a good note.
Doing things that scare us is another way of being vulnerable which often leads to great growth. Putting our pride, our product, or our heart on the line for others to see, hear, love, criticize, laugh at, or completely ignore can be downright terrifying. However, it’s often the things that scare us which end up being our greatest accomplishments. Go back and make a list of things you did that were scary and uncertain, but which turned out to be great adventures. Here’s some of mine:
- starting this blog (What if no one reads it? What if I don’t know what to say?)
- writing this post (What if it’s stupid? It’s been said by others before, I have nothing new to offer.)
- trying out for my college soccer team (What if I don’t make it? What if I embarrass myself?)
- applying to a doctoral program (What if I’m not good enough?)
- moving to Alaska (What if we don’t like it? What if it doesn’t work out?)
- taking a yoga class (What if I’m the only one that doesn’t know what I’m doing? What if everyone can tell?)
- learning to ski (What if I fall? What if everyone sees me on the magic carpet with a bunch of kids? What if those little kids think I’m ridiculous?)
- completing a triathalon (What if I can’t do it? What if it sucks?)
- going alone to a social event (What if I’m just that awkward person standing alone in the corner? What if I get into a conversation I can’t extricate myself from? Who will save me?)
- participating in an aerial student showcase (What if I mess it up or get stuck and everyone sees?)
- hiking to Bomber Glacier (What if I can’t do it and have to turn back?)
- signing up for a 5 day wild woman retreat (What if I don’t click with the other women? What if it’s a waste of money?)
But here’s the thing: WHAT IF?? Seriously what’s the worst that could happen? Even the worst thing probably isn’t more than a little injured pride, which likely NO ONE will even notice except you. Chances are the potential reward is far greater than the risk. It’s like that Erin Hanson quote:
“What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”
All those things that seemed so scary have turned into things that bring me great joy. Things of which I am proud.
You are on this planet for a reason. I guarantee fulfilling that purpose will involve doing things that at first seem scary and uncertain. Do them anyway. They are important. If you find yourself facing something both exciting and scary, chances are you’re on the right path.